Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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