I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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