She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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