no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
