I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
