wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
