I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
