my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Fuck appropriateness.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
