You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
