Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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