So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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