Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
