In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
