Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
