before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
