I hope mine doesn't look like that
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
