I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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