I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
