Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
