The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
