I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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