The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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