I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
