My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
