I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
