thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
