I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think a kid would responsible me up
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Success! We fucked roommates!
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