oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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