i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
