ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
