I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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