It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize