you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
