dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
