Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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