Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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