does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
