I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
