I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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