Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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