Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
