I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
