FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
