Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
