I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
