I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
