Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
