True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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