tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
