If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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