I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
