Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
