His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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