hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
babies were throwing up all over the place
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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