I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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