I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
