we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
