I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
