i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I party with great urgency now.
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