Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
