atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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