Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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