A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
