i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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