I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
