I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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