Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
