she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
