your parents love me but you hate me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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