My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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