good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I lost the right to judge tonight
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
