i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Everyone says I win the strip club
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
